Untangling the Web: Codependency and Addiction
There is no denying that addiction is a complex and pervasive problem that impacts millions of lives worldwide, both those struggling with substance abuse and their loved ones. This article is meant to shed light on the intricate relationship between addiction and codependency, offer insight into what codependency is, its connection to addiction and the real-life implications for those involved.
Understanding Codependency
Anxious attachment is often referred to as codependent. Those with anxious attachment often want to be close to others but worry that another person may not want to be close to them. They struggle with feeling inferior, never good enough, which leads to fixing behaviours.
Codependency is a term that originates from the world of addiction recovery but extends its reach far beyond it. The term “codependency” refers to a dysfunctional relationship dynamic in which one person's needs are secondary to another. It is commonly developed in relationships with an addicted individual but also occurs in other relationships.
Those with codependent characteristics tend to seek approval, appease others, and care for others to avoid conflict, rejection, and abandonment. They often have poor interpersonal boundaries and put their own needs aside in favour of the needs of others.
If you are questioning whether you fit this pattern, it may be helpful to consider whether you find it difficult to get in touch with your feelings. Are you overly concerned with the needs and feelings of your loved one(s)? If so, this may prevent you from realizing your loved one is unavailable or allowing you to shift the appropriate responsibility to them for situations that arise within your relationship. You may also find it hard to make decisions on your own without worrying about how your loved one will react to the choice.
Individuals who use codependent behaviours often have negative feelings such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, helplessness, hopelessness, and feeling empty. It is often difficult to find a sense of safety internally for those with codependent tendencies.
In romantic relationships, a common sign of codependency is feeling unsafe when not with your partner. Feeling safe results from being with your partner and knowing that they are happy or experiencing positive feelings about you. While this is something that typically brings most people a sense of calm in relationships, having this as your only source of relational safety, or needing constant reassurance of this by being with your partner is a sign that codependency (anxious attachment) is present.
Here are some key characteristics of codependent relationships:
Over-reliance on another for emotional or psychological support: Codependent individuals often prioritize the needs and feelings of their loved ones over their own. They might feel responsible for others' happiness and well-being to an unhealthy extent.
Sacrificing one's own needs for the needs of another: Codependent individuals may neglect their own physical, emotional, and mental health while consistently attending to the needs of the person they are codependent on.
Chronic feelings of emptiness or inadequacy when alone: Codependent individuals often struggle with their sense of self-worth and identity, feeling incomplete or lost when not in a relationship or when their focus isn't on their loved one.
The Connection Between Codependency and Addiction
Codependency can disrupt the balance within families, leading to unhealthy roles, enabling behaviours, and a cycle of dysfunction. In a codependent relationship, enabling behaviours often occur. Enablers may overlook or support their loved one's addiction, inadvertently perpetuating the destructive cycle.
The Role of the Enabler
An enabler is someone who, knowingly or unknowingly, assists the addicted individual in their destructive behaviour. Characteristics of an enabler include:
Denial or minimizing the severity of the addiction.
Making excuses for the behaviour.
Providing financial or emotional support that allows addiction to continue.
Shielding the addicted individual from the consequences of their actions.
The Impact on the Addicted Individual
The addicted individual often experiences deep emotional pain and turmoil, worsened by the codependent relationship dynamics. Codependency can hinder personal growth and self-discovery, which worsens anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem for both the addicted individual and the codependent family member.
Breaking the Cycle of Codependency and Addiction
With codependency, there is often a sense of impending doom, resulting in the need to take action to “fix" problems. Those with codependency issues often attempt to solve problems for others rather than forcing others to take personal responsibility, which can result in exhaustion, chronic fatigue, and illness. This compulsive need to care for others is driven by a need to manage anxiety. What is often neglected is one’s own need for stress management, rest, relaxation and the ability to attend to self-care needs.
The Challenge of Breaking Free from the Cycle
Breaking free from the codependent addiction cycle is no small feat. It often requires therapy, support groups, and a willingness to confront and change deeply ingrained patterns of behaviour and thinking. For the addicted individual and their codependent partner or family member, recovery is possible. It is a journey that takes time and dedication.
Recognizing the Signs
Self-awareness and introspection are essential first steps in recognizing codependent tendencies within ourselves or our loved ones. Look for external signs and red flags, such as neglecting personal needs, avoiding conflict at all costs, and deriving self-worth solely from the approval of others.
Seeking Professional Help
The importance of therapy and counselling cannot be overstated. A trained therapist can help individuals and families navigate the complex emotions and behaviours associated with codependency and addiction. Support groups and community resources provide a safe space to share experiences and learn from others who have faced similar challenges.
Strategies for Healing and Recovery
Setting boundaries and practicing self-care are vital for those struggling with codependency. Learning to prioritize one's own well-being is a cornerstone of recovery. Building healthy relationships and communication skills is essential for breaking free from codependent patterns and fostering positive connections with others. Educate yourself about addiction and codependency, seek guidance from a therapist, and prioritize self-care to maintain a balanced approach to supporting your loved ones.
Finding Hope
The intricate relationship between codependency and addiction is a challenge that many individuals and families face. Awareness and understanding are the first steps in breaking free from this cycle, and seeking professional help can provide invaluable guidance. The therapists at Kennedy McLean Psychotherapy and Counselling are knowledgeable about the ways that addiction and codependency impact one another. There is hope for positive change. Book a free 15 minute consultation to see how we can help.